Journaling

I am sorry to say that my mind has been elsewhere. I have fallen away from keeping my posts active, and there are other areas that I have neglected as well.

You would think that something that is important to you would keep you active. Unfortunately for me that is not the case.

I believe taking time to fix where you have fallen away is a must. Don’t give up your desires. Keep working on it. Try to find ideas to do things that will help. I just started a bullet journal to help me keep my mindset. Do something you love by incorporating it into your kink.

Remember there are people who will help you. Talk to others in the lifestyle. It really does help.

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Tough Times, Windy Roads

countryside-field-hayfield-1028451 The journey that Master and i are on has had a lot of windy roads. It has been tough at times, but worth it. We have stopped our dynamic at times when things got really tough and our marriage tie was stronger. We are on our way back, bumps included. I love being one to make Master happy and He looks happy as well. We find it very interesting that we always steer towards M/s and that is where we are the happiest.

I challenge anyone who has dropped the dynamic to sit together and write down where they are now in their relationship and what they feel is good and bad. Do they feel that anything is missing; bad or good.

Making a U-Turn

girl-2766738__340 Master and i have been getting our relationship back to where it should be.  It has been such a relief to have the familiar back.

I have missed his dominance over me. It is funny how having what you have always found important taken away, your independence, to find that not having freedom means so much more. i find that Master opens up the more i am dependent on him.  i am a very dominant person outside of our home for work purposes, so it has been a hard road for Master to be more dominant around me until i asked if we could change our relationship to a M/s lifestyle.

Let me explain…i have always been the one to tell others what to do,  now he  tells me what to do.  I held my independence as a very important part of me. Now, I find giving my independence up to my Master and trusting him to make decisions for me is more fulfilling. and let’s not forget, it is erotic.

We are on vacation.  I find it a challenge and very exciting to follow Master’s lead and ask him before I do anything.  He will find a way to get to  be with me for play while we are among family.  He likes the challenge and of course, telling me I have to be so quiet that I can hardly make a sound is amusing to him.

We are finding our way back with enthusiasm and excitement.  We have missed our time together. It has been a challenging year. There has been very little time to spend together, and it put a huge strain in and out of the bedroom. i love knowing my place.  it is so relaxing to have Master be the one to make the decisions, and to see him where he belongs; head of the house and our marriage. It is a beautiful thing.

 

Ah..the Sex is Back

As I said earlier, it has been a very trying 1 1/2 years. I also stated we were trying to get back to the way things were before, and we did just that.

For the first time in what felt like forever, I was bound, blindfolded and told to sit on the edge of Master’s bed. He left me there for what seemed an hour, but in reality it was less. When He returned He proceeded to give me a spanking to help me get centered, and to remind me who i am, and who He is to me. It had been awhile so my back side smarted pretty good.

Having sex is great in all, but there is a difference between just sex and being bound and having someone you trust, love, and obey take you. There is no control on your part except to take what is given, enjoy it, and let your Master know how it makes you feel. It is exhilarating to have someone have all the control, and to be at their mercy. To be the one to give them pleasure and happiness. I missed this so much. And let’s just add that it is hot as hell!

I think that it was a great start to getting ourselves centered on how our dynamic works.

In the bedroom the play is great, but seeing the one you adore relaxed and happy outside of the bedroom is more important.

In the Forest

It has been a very difficult 14 months. Everyday seemed to be a roller coaster ride of loss and depression. I analyzed where I seem to keep my place as a slave and where i lost the will and desire to serve. I felt the desire to serve when it was bad and sometimes i could and others i could not. It all came down to how devastating the problem was for us. I feel my survival mode kicked in and everything took a back seat.

As time has past i am able to see where i should be serving Master, and how my ways of thinking have changed.

As of today, Master and i had a long talk in the car on the way to my doctor’s appointment. We decided to go back to how we were before all of the turmoil hit our lives. We can see the light beyond the trees and it looks more positive.

Don’t get me wrong. We didn’t lose all of our life style this past year or so, but just enough for our vanilla marriage to creep back in.

Life can create pot holes in a relationship, but i believe if your relationship is strong enough you will be able to hold on and work through it.

I hope to have more positive news to share as we start to come back to a whole M/s life.

Days of Trials

We recently moved. We are taking over my family home, so at the moment we do not live alone. This makes having time to play or train hard to find.

Master has found ways to inflict pain while I stay very quiet. I am not a quiet person. So Master has fun with my weakness of silence. He works to inflict more and more pain while I turn inside out trying to stay silent.

We have found that there are more ways to play and interact with each other on different levels. We don’t have to play in a large way with whips and belts. We can still play and have the power play.

So note. We are tied together; with him being Master and i his slave. We are strong and can adapt to different situations because we know each other. You would think that a couple who starts M/s after 21 years of marriage would know each other. Not the case when that comes to the life of BDSM. We had to learn to trust each other in new ways. And after 2-3 years we are still learning and fighting our old vanilla lifestyle.

Never believe that your dynamic is boring or stale with no where to go. Spice it up with circumstances and see where you can go.

Sooo Much has Happened

I have been absent for such a long time. I have a terrible car accident and it has taken just over a year to get myself back to feeling as a slave and not a victim.

I have recently started training to get my mindset back and to learn new practices and broaden my reaches in the life.

I cannot stress how hard it was to stop being in the life for such a long time. I was pretty mad about it.

Now, I am back to my slave state. I have moved with Master to a new house. Hopefully having a new playroom and more time together will help me be a better slave to Master. He has been so patient with me.  I could not serve him as I wanted and or how he preferred me to serve. This has really stretched us both on how strong we are as a team.

So, now I hope to be more active in my blogs.

My first task will to write about the use of the cane as maintenance.  It is new for me and so far I enjoy it.

 

Emergency brings Clarity

I have posted here in a very long time. You see, I had a very bad accident and Master and I seem to have dropped everything. We stopped living and lived day to day with my pain. It is funny how everything you do everyday will just not be a thought in your head when something traumatic happens in your life. Master became husband and he took on a familiar role of taking care of me with my medical needs. I didnt call out to my Master. I called out to the man who has been my care giver many times over, my husband. It was’nt intentional just emotional. I was and am scared and in a lot of pain.

Now, almost five months later, I am still in pain and deal with emotional upsets and fears, but I am asking for my Master.

I found it important to realize what title I used when I needed the man in my life. How without a thought I went to my husband. I felt guilty that I did not ask for my Master and how we went back to our previous lifestyle. But then I realized that W/we may be Master and slave, but Master has many responsibilities and roles. W/we started as a married couple of 20 years and we cannot dismiss this as if it never existed.

Now as we head towards out 23 rd anniv. And our 3rd year off our collaring ceremony I don’t feel bad for us stiopping our dynamic. We just took a different side of our diamond of life to meet a need that we had a strong history in.

Renewel

Master and i have been discussing our interaction with our local BDSM group and how it meets our needs. This discussion brought back to logging onto Husdom and subMrs to speak with other married couples in the life. We love our group, but the deeper needs that we originally started in this life we can find with LK and Mr. Fox. Now we need to learn to juggle both.

I am happier with the calm atmosphere with Lk and if Master will log on and be happy with Husdom, then i am very happy.

Filthy Dream No. 6

Love this more than I can express….

 

 

Tall, Dark and Dominant

I have filthy dreams you know.
Mostly, I’m ravaging my poor kitty six ways to Sunday. Or however that expression goes.

Last night, however..
I was outside, curating over a series of women all naked and crucified, wriggling, moaning, shaven, slick with sweat, ripe with fear – a series of women all chained to the walls underneath a pale grey sky.
All shapes, all sizes.

Brunette. Blonde. Redhead. Strawberry blonde.

Purple.

I walked past them one by one, watching their chest heave in fear.
I remember it being dark. And not the mood, the evening was darkening. Thunder was booming.
I was selecting a woman, you see. Someone to take down and have my way with.
I can’t remember much of what comes next, except that I put my hands around her neck and squeezed.

That I could feel my cock split her cunt open and get slicked up with…

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