Days of Trials

We recently moved. We are taking over my family home, so at the moment we do not live alone. This makes having time to play or train hard to find.

Master has found ways to inflict pain while I stay very quiet. I am not a quiet person. So Master has fun with my weakness of silence. He works to inflict more and more pain while I turn inside out trying to stay silent.

We have found that there are more ways to play and interact with each other on different levels. We don’t have to play in a large way with whips and belts. We can still play and have the power play.

So note. We are tied together; with him being Master and i his slave. We are strong and can adapt to different situations because we know each other. You would think that a couple who starts M/s after 21 years of marriage would know each other. Not the case when that comes to the life of BDSM. We had to learn to trust each other in new ways. And after 2-3 years we are still learning and fighting our old vanilla lifestyle.

Never believe that your dynamic is boring or stale with no where to go. Spice it up with circumstances and see where you can go.


Sooo Much has Happened

I have been absent for such a long time. I have a terrible car accident and it has taken just over a year to get myself back to feeling as a slave and not a victim.

I have recently started training to get my mindset back and to learn new practices and broaden my reaches in the life.

I cannot stress how hard it was to stop being in the life for such a long time. I was pretty mad about it.

Now, I am back to my slave state. I have moved with Master to a new house. Hopefully having a new playroom and more time together will help me be a better slave to Master. He has been so patient with me.  I could not serve him as I wanted and or how he preferred me to serve. This has really stretched us both on how strong we are as a team.

So, now I hope to be more active in my blogs.

My first task will to write about the use of the cane as maintenance.  It is new for me and so far I enjoy it.


Emergency brings Clarity

I have posted here in a very long time. You see, I had a very bad accident and Master and I seem to have dropped everything. We stopped living and lived day to day with my pain. It is funny how everything you do everyday will just not be a thought in your head when something traumatic happens in your life. Master became husband and he took on a familiar role of taking care of me with my medical needs. I didnt call out to my Master. I called out to the man who has been my care giver many times over, my husband. It was’nt intentional just emotional. I was and am scared and in a lot of pain.

Now, almost five months later, I am still in pain and deal with emotional upsets and fears, but I am asking for my Master.

I found it important to realize what title I used when I needed the man in my life. How without a thought I went to my husband. I felt guilty that I did not ask for my Master and how we went back to our previous lifestyle. But then I realized that W/we may be Master and slave, but Master has many responsibilities and roles. W/we started as a married couple of 20 years and we cannot dismiss this as if it never existed.

Now as we head towards out 23 rd anniv. And our 3rd year off our collaring ceremony I don’t feel bad for us stiopping our dynamic. We just took a different side of our diamond of life to meet a need that we had a strong history in.


Master and i have been discussing our interaction with our local BDSM group and how it meets our needs. This discussion brought back to logging onto Husdom and subMrs to speak with other married couples in the life. We love our group, but the deeper needs that we originally started in this life we can find with LK and Mr. Fox. Now we need to learn to juggle both.

I am happier with the calm atmosphere with Lk and if Master will log on and be happy with Husdom, then i am very happy.

Filthy Dream No. 6

Love this more than I can express….



Tall, Dark and Dominant

I have filthy dreams you know.
Mostly, I’m ravaging my poor kitty six ways to Sunday. Or however that expression goes.

Last night, however..
I was outside, curating over a series of women all naked and crucified, wriggling, moaning, shaven, slick with sweat, ripe with fear – a series of women all chained to the walls underneath a pale grey sky.
All shapes, all sizes.

Brunette. Blonde. Redhead. Strawberry blonde.


I walked past them one by one, watching their chest heave in fear.
I remember it being dark. And not the mood, the evening was darkening. Thunder was booming.
I was selecting a woman, you see. Someone to take down and have my way with.
I can’t remember much of what comes next, except that I put my hands around her neck and squeezed.

That I could feel my cock split her cunt open and get slicked up with…

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Neutral to Drive

I am afraid to say that I lost the Dom that was coaching me with no warning. it put in me in a bad place and I have not blogged since then. It is funny how one person, whom you trust, can mess you up badly with a reckless action of leaving with no reason.

Well, I will try to get back on here now that I am feeling better and have worked through it. It definitely has been a difficult year for me with mentors or coaches. Master has been so good through all of it and supports me in either way that I choose to take these bumps in the road. I think I am done with accepting help from others with my health or training as a slave. Live and learn, and that I have seen enough of for the moment. lol

Falling, Spiraling, Deeper Down

I’m in a bad place. Sir J is dealing with life right now and is very busy. I understand this and  support him entirely. Our relationship was built around helping me with my health and motivating me with routine and support to get my life back on track. This has through no one’s fault pretty much been set aside while he deals with his issues. I am trying to keep some of what we established in place but Im findi g more and more difficult. Many things we established have stopped, and I am scared the rest will fall away  as well. My mental health is sliding back to where it was. 

I finally told Sir J today in an email. Our communication has been effected as well. I feel bad telling him, but I feel as if I am curling inside of myself and falling away. I want to be supportive of him, but how when I cant deal with me.tmp_5473-img_5334861438245

What I Need and Seem to be Lacking

I have a tendency to be needy. I know…slaves should be independent and know their place while feeling confident that they are loved and needed. Well, I don’t play that ideal very well. I am needy and cannot feel stagnant.

Each day I have my protocols and expectations. I do each of them and try to deal with my busy schedule at work and at home at night. This at times can be too much, but I do it to please Master.

Sir J is working to get my diet stabilized and he is doing a great job with my mood swings from having my diet changed.

Here lays the problem. My attention has to be focused on meeting my goals and being needed throughout the day and evening. Lately, both Doms seem a little preoccupied with other things and I get the feeling of being in an idle position. My mind will wander, I will get depressed, and then I will shut down. I have been this way for a few years and it scares me when it happens. Part of this problem is not having a drive to do anything either, so it is a double edge sword of negativity for me. So what am I to do when both Doms are busy and don’t need me. I am not sure.

Plus, Sir J is moving and will be near his no. 1 submissive. This tends to bother me some as well. I have had a few  bad experiences with this and I am very nervous that he will become even more busy and I will be placed aside and eventually forgotten. How can I be so demanded of at my job and so not needed or feel as not needed in my own home?